with climate change and a someday dying sun: is immaturity an existential threat, too?
In 2003, a television comedy shrewdly set out ways in which human behaviour can take a family down, while plumbing infinite depths. With a host of great names plugged into the cast, Arrested Development set the tone for many single-camera comedies to come. Meanwhile, as the Bluth’s fail to adapt to a life brought on by the indictment of their patriarch for embezzlement: the family’s unravelling is fuelled by damage in an endless pursuit of love, status and ultimately, validation. Also and perhaps arguably the thing weighing them down is their insistence on not seeing each other, which isn’t meant literally but as a form of self-absorption.
Naturally, it’s a comedic take on something wider as the forces pulling at our personalities and the morality of character shape us with a complexity, that’s hard to define. It’s where variance exists in everything and in labelling the things we explore in our minds, we find stuff to lean on while forming conclusions. This makes sense while at the same time setting up emotional immaturity a focal point which means work, just as Shayla Love wrote in The Guardian, earlier this year:
‘If parents lack emotional skills, this may come from differences in upbringing and culture. In ‘Permission to Come Home’, clinical psychologist Jenny Wang’s book about mental health in Asian-American families, she explained how some emotional disconnects between parents and their children arise from parents not having had the opportunity to cultivate emotions, or having grown up in situations where those skills were not prioritised – and could even be detrimental.’
It’s beyond true in reflecting a need to dig and dig deeper when trying to account for an experience or label. So, to illustrate, when Allie Volpe at Vox magazine discussed the phenomenon of ‘therapy speak’, last year, she reported Dr Carolina Bandinelli, a professor in media and creative industries at Warwick University, as saying:
‘Tagging people as “toxic”, for instance, is not productive because there is no dialogue, no interrogation of what “toxic” means or how it presents in a person or situation. Beyond initial naming and identification of a person or experience, it’s crucial to consider your motivations in utilizing that label.’
Certainly, and again it tells a story of due diligence and the need for it to touch everything we think, do and say. Yet, surely, the idea of immaturity seems plain in its presentation in that many if not most have spent time with people, who make the distinction clear. It seems that way and with Kira Asatryan being the author of ‘Stop Being Lonely’, she wrote an article for Time magazine, in 2016:
‘”Immature” isn’t a helpful word in relationships because it’s too vague to know how to work on it. It’s a catch-all term that can mean any number of things. For this reason, it’s not actionable and therefore not useful.’
When thrown around casually, it’s certainly true, but beyond the lyrics of therapy-speak: qualifying words like ‘toxic’ and ‘immature’ is on a par with being actionable and maybe, somehow useful. So, who is being toxic and why; where; how and to whom matters because cause and effect matter. It’s the basis of law, both in statute and logic.
So, where does that leave us when it comes to managing emotional maturity?
Well, emotional development is tied to known social milestones, meaning: it’s true that our ageing, triggers rituals and consequences. So, whether it’s a legal transgression in trying before you’re allowed or a religious ceremony to mark a higher journey: physical growth and its emotional counterpart are lines in the sand, waiting to be washed away. In fact, it’s those comparative measures that tell us a lot about who’s ahead or behind in the game.
The American Psychological Association defines emotional immaturity, as:
‘a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation.’
As ever, relativity shines a light where that description could apply to various cultures on Earth, leaving the beliefs and practices of societies open to negative judgement. So, maybe, a defining feature is the extent to which people are affected negatively by the actions of others because it involves the ability to empathise and another name for that is, ‘Theory of Mind.’ Developed by Premack and Woodruff in 1978, it explains our ability to imagine what others might be feeling in a given situation. Children are said to develop it at around 3-to-5-years-of-age but as an adult and in specific terms, a downward trend between your age or maturation and the things you do and say, reveals what we call immaturity and the social opinion it brings.
There’s a good reason for this, too, because our personal level of maturity carries serious implications, for society as a whole. Of course it does, while taking in crime statistics and parenting skills next to road etiquette and health management. These things are fed and matter in ways that are obvious while demonstrable levels of psychological and social maturity are the cornerstones of a healthy community. So, in underlining that importance, the conclusion of a 2020 study called ‘Maturity and Well-being’, said:
‘In this study, psychological maturity was assessed by scoring written narratives according to the developmental theory of Robert Kegan, and it was a significant predictor of SWB (Subjective Well-Being), even when controlling for other well-known predictors. In addition, this maturity moderated the relation between [an] age group and SWB, such that level of maturity was related to SWB for younger and mid-life but not older adults. As this is a novel finding, we suggest further research.’
So, in pinning it all down, it’s possible to ask: what is your level of emotional maturity? Is it something you’ve looked into before? How does the question even make you feel? Do you recognise an ongoing need for attention, either subtly or overtly, or are you wrapped in your own bubble or perspective? Well, perhaps the biggest tell, lies in the way that you communicate. So are you, for instance, an active listener or maybe more of a perpetual disruptor? Are you honest in your accounts or a little more creative with the truth? How often does denial, mission creep into your thinking? In Arrested Development, it goes back to the Bluth’s lack of awareness for each other in focusing on their own narratives whilst ironically, ignoring their roles completely. Roles established over time in playing parts reinforced by others and most certainly, with vanity.
Yet; too many perhaps mock or invalidate early experiences that in the end contribute to an infantile sense of frustration that in turn releases, in childish ways. It could be a mighty tantrum thrown at the start of something epic or a refusal to take responsibility for things, clearly said and done. Regardless of the route, the overall impact seems to be not only stagnation but sabotage and invariably a spectrum of destruction, as well. In fact, ‘Hurt people, hurt people’ as the old saying goes, with ruination left in the minds of people thrown. It’s no different to presenting maturely to the outside world whilst later erupting immaturely, behind closed doors. It’s a level of fraud that’s hard to detect from one angle, let alone counter from another.
Still, historically, it’s been easier to conjure derision but of immaturity itself, which is a mistake as much as it’s hubris in letting superiority blind you. As a result, it seems like emotional maturity should be taught in schools from day one, but it’s never too late to switch the dial if it helps to rescue the planet from a number of serious problems.
‘Exaggerated drama, fits of rage, selfishness, and emotional manipulation are hallmarks of emotional immaturity. And it appears to be a global problem. E.I adults each have their own history that has led to their arrested emotional growth, and when they are not held accountable for their actions, the results can be disastrous.’
Jessica Del Pozo, PhD, Psychology Today magazine
Our mental health depends on levels of maturity but if the emotional parts are left behind the debt may be unserviceable, meaning that as we all know by now: nothing’s too big to fail.
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